Well, it’s been almost 3 months since surgery. The road after surgery has been tough. The pain is one thing but it’s also difficult to get used to the changes your body has gone through. I guess it doesn’t help that I’m recovering from chemo and surgery.

Because of the ALND (axillary lymph nodes dissection) on my left side, I had an unusual feeling of cording on my left arm. I can best describe this as feeling and seeing a rubber band of muscle when I move my left arm. It hurts and definitely feels weird to move. On cancer.org, it states that this is common after ALND surgery.

In an effort to regain my range of motion and make sure I’m not hurting myself, I started physical therapy with a wonderful PT named Jane at MGH Waltham. She’s worked with breast cancer patients and understands the unique situation we face especially those with lymphedema. She’s also so kind and supportive which I really appreciate. It’s a vulnerable time.

I’m also still getting used to what my chest looks like. I knew that I wasn’t going to have what I had before. But, it’s hard to get used to what I have now.

The asymmetry is a story for a different post. I have to underscore how difficult it is to see the asymmetry plus the discomfort.

I know a lot of folks are under the false impression that breast reconstruction is a boob job, nothing could be further from the truth. The only two things are in common are that some reconstruction types use implants and that the surgery is on your breasts. After those two things, breast reconstruction is nothing like a boob job.

I’m grateful for living today and that there are different options for reconstruction. But, ultimately, it’s an attempt to recreate what you had. It’s not perfect. It is not an exact replica of what human breasts look and act like.

The implants used for reconstruction weren’t initially intended for that purpose. They were intended to be used in women who still have breast tissue. When you have no breast tissue, the physics of an implant are odd.

There are things that make it better. Anatomical implants are being made more widely available in the U.S. and those implants are better at replicating a natural breast, lookswise. Feelwise, not so much. But it’s all about give and take, right?

For women who weren’t able to keep their nipples, there’s now 3d tattooing done by professional tattoo artists. There’s also nipple reconstruction but it seems results can be mixed.

Anyway, despite all the options and types of reconstruction, it’s not a walk in the park, it’s not consolation prize for having or preventing cancer. Reconstruction takes time and recovery. And, I don’t regret it.

It’s just something you do cos you feel it’s the right choice for you.